Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Movie Review: Blood and Sand (1922)

This movie's plot is pretty basic: small town boy (Juan Gallardo, played by Rudolph Valentino) follows his passion (bullfighting, which nobody believes will take him anywhere) instead of working at his boring apprenticeship (to a shoemaker) to support his widowed mother. Then he makes good and everyone loves him, including his childhood sweetheart, Carmen. The two get married and all looks great until small town boy gets swept up in the seductive corrupt life of the big city.

Valentino shows the charm that continues to make him a household name, and sports the most awesome sideburns you are ever likely to see. So long and sharp--combined with his heavy unibrow, it's almost like he himself is a bull. The look is powerful, and magnifies his smoldering, brooding good looks.

But to me what really makes this movie is Nita Naldi, who plays Doña Sol, the seductive sophisticate, a widow who leads Gallardo on a dissipative odyssey.

Every time I watch a silent film, there's an adjustment period because the acting was just so different in silent films. With dialogue perforce kept to a minimum, actors are trying hard to communicate everything possible without saying a word. When you add this to the fact that people are mostly used to seeing plays, where the audience is so far away that you have to make grand expressions for anyone to be able to see you, the combination is just weird. I once watched this nice collection of four Garbo films that spanned the silent/sound transition in her career, and it was interesting to watch how her technique changed with the addition of sound. I don't see it on Amazon, but if you find it in your local library (as I did), it's highly recommended.

Anyway, all this to say that when Naldi first shows up on screen, she's doing this weird thing with her eyes that took me a while to get past. She's sitting in the audience watching Valentino in the arena, and it's hard to know if she's just trying to convey a powerful, searching look, or if she's trying to portray the hypnotic look of a snake (more on this later). This look remains until the very end of their first encounter, in which Doña Sol gives Gallardo a ring that presumably belonged to Cleopatra, a ring in the shape of an asp (and we all know what that means!) But just as Doña Sol is leaving the encounter, Naldi gives a look that truly hits the mark, a piercing, seductive look that could whither the defenses of even the most stalwart of monogamists. And that's when you know it's on--she has him in her sights and the poor lad is doomed.

When next we see Doña Sol, poor Gallardo is visiting with his friend. After smoking some very interesting cigarettes--long, multicolored, and with an obviously narcotic effect--Gallardo finds himself roped into a dinner with the Doña, completely unchaparoned.

Gallardo is completely overwhelmed, and it's no wonder, with the extraordinarily sensuous character of Doña Sol that Naldi creates, mostly with her hands. She so often has these lingering hands, and often they highlight the sensuality of her chambers, which function as an extension of her character. See these two images for examples:

She also uses her lingering fingers when playing the harp, but most potently, she uses them on Gallardo, giving him that touch that every man knows--the more-than-incidental contact that sets fire to the skin.

She also longs for Gallardo's touch. She puts his hands on her body, and verbally expresses her (perhaps unusual) desire, "Some day you will beat me with those strong hands! I should like to know what it feels like!" She precipitates his violence, too, by biting his hand suddenly. She strikes like a serpent, and he calls her "snake" and "serpent." He throws her to the ground, and she cowers, but when he leaves, she laughs triumphantly and shows the snake-scale-like pattern of her dress:

The scene is dramatically well-executed and, frankly, very hot. Naldi is no Kelly Brook in snakeskin, but what she lacks in bosom, she makes up for in character.

If you can enjoy a good silent movie and you are looking for one with genuine sensuality, Blood and Sand is highly recommended.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Movie Review: Dancing Lady (Plus: Internet BS Call-out)

I decided to watch this movie under a false assumption. I was tracking down the origin of a particular style of robot (used in Phantom Empire). They look pretty asinine and make no sense at all. Judge for yourself:

While this design makes no sense whatsoever for an actual sci-fi robot, it sort of (only sort of) makes sense for a robot designed for song-and-dance numbers, which apparently he was. The robot was originally designed for use in Dancing Lady, which you can see in this still:

And you get an interesting bit of additional trivia about this scene on Tales of Future Past:

The robots from The Phantom Empire were actually a leftover from the Clark Gable/Joan Crawford musical Dancing Lady (1933), which had a number featuring a group of robots infringing on Miss Crawford's personal freedoms. If you've ever seen the film, you'll recall that there were a heck of a lot of robots dancing around in that one. True, but in an economy move, only one of the robots was made out of metal. The others, which were only seen in long shot, were made out of cardboard.
An interesting factoid which gets repeated, almost verbatim on dozens of sites. There's only one problem with this: the scene was actually cut from the movie! So the spiel about "If you've ever seen the film . . ." is complete and utter fabrication. Yet it was repeated so confidently on so many sites that it was hard to believe these people were out-and-out lying. But they were. I watched the movie, then re-watched it THREE TIMES at 4X speed just to make sure I hadn't missed it. (I did it one more time after I saw that the image of this "dress" (obviously connected to the robot number) was printed on the DVD:

)And if you want to say I'm the one BSing, you can read this supporting quote on IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0026867/trivia?tab=tr&item=tr0744062

And if you still don't trust me, you can watch the movie yourself.

Speaking of which, how is the movie?, you may ask. It's actually not half bad, and not just because it's pretty racy for what I considered normal in 1933, though of course we're generally mistaken about that sort of thing--previous generations were never as prudish as we assume they were.

The movie begins with a burlesque show where a dancer's costume is partly ripped off by a drunken patron:

The dancer is Crawford, who longs to shed the burlesque lifestyle to become a dancer in a serious Broadway show. After getting tangled up in a mixed-up love triangle with Clark Gable and , showing off her bodacious booty in a swimming scene, dancing with Fred Astaire in his film debut, and getting the run around from the Three Stooges, she makes it, and boy, don't it look swell?

I haven't found images of the closing number's less classy costumes, some of which look like they would fit nicely in The Night Porter:

(Not the actual costume, but, really closer than you would think!)

And then there are some really provocative silhouettes on the shades at what appears to be a plastic surgery practice, and the not-to-be-missed Kaleidoscope of bathing beauties.

No, it's not classy, but it's fun, mentions beer (a lot), and shows a lot of really attractive bodies (for 1930s standards) in some revealing outfits. And overall it's not a terrible movie. Pretty well acted by all, with a little camp and corn, but quippy and quick. If you like the period, I'd recommend this movie.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Limerick of the Week

A well-endowed guy named Apollo
Remarked as he larked in a hollow:
"Darling my dong
Is twelve inches long."
Said she: "That's a hard one to swallow!"

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Did the Sumerians Invent Porn?





This is an important question. If we look back at the archaeological record, it's hard to know just where porn started. Many of the so-called fertility figures may have been considered "erotic," or their massive breasts and visibly etched vaginas may have been linked to pregnancy and childbirth. We don't know the purpose of these early figures. Were they carved by women for women, or were they early manifestations of the masculine gaze that seeks to capture and control the feminine form? This figure, the Venus of Hohle-Fels seems the former

hohlefelsvenuslgesm.jpg

Whereas this one, the latter:

Galgenberg.jpg
But these are just speculations. It's not until writing appears on the scene that we can really know for certain how to take these things. And then it's pretty clear. Consider, for example, this snippet from a Hymn of Inanna, the Sumerian goddess of fertility, translated from cuneiform tablets:

Inanna spoke:
What I tell you
Let the singer weave into song.
What I tell you, let if flow from ear to mouth,
Let it pass from old to young:
My vulva, the horn,
The Boat of Heaven,
Is full of eagerness like the young moon.
My untilled land lies fallow.

As for me, Inanna,
Who will plow my vulva?
Who will plow my high field?
Who will plow my wet ground?

As for me, the young woman,
Who will plow my vulva?
Who will station the ox there?
Who will plow my vulva?
Dumuzi replied:

Great Lady, the king will plow your vulva.
I, Dumuzi the King, will plow your vulva.

Inanna:

Then plow my vulva, man of my heart!
Plow my vulva!


At the king's lap stood the rising cedar.
Plants grew high by their side.
Grains grew high by their side.
Gardens flourished luxuriantly.

On the off chance you're still uncertain that the Sumerians made porn, let's look at a couple of pieces of art.

This first one I call "Plow me now."

Yes, that is a woman playing a tambourine reaching around to grab the man's ox and guide it to its station.

And then there's this clay tablet from 3000 BCE.

Most commentators on this piece talk about it as a sign of the "sacred marriage" the ceremonial union between the king and the high priestess that re-enacts the relationship between Duzumi and Inanna that ensured the fertility of the land and the plenitude of the harvest. Whether that is so or not, it is still an explicit representation of sexuality that is probably intended at least partially to arouse.

Even more importantly, the woman using her hand to offer her breast to the man marks, to my mind, the first evidence of eroticization of the breast, which in and of itself is a cultural advance of unparalleled importance for which we should all be grateful.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Limerick of the Week

In Brooklyn, New York, there's a lass
Who will hitch up her dress as you pass
If toss her two bits
She will show you her tits
And allow you to fondle her ass.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Beer Babes: Supplement


I know it's not by any means perfect, but sometimes it's hard not to wax utopic about ancient Egypt. A society where women not only brewed the beer, but they did it topless? Sign me up!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Limerick of the Week

An eager young farm girl named Mabel
At milking was not very able
But to get the thing right
She would practice each night
With sausages under the table.