Where to Meet Chicks 4

Church

Call me a Romantic--or something--but I treasure the notion that inside every primly quiet church girl is a soul lusting for lust. Oh, she denies it--not least of all to herself--but she is a storm of passion: you bring the thunder, and she'll supply the wind and water.

Okay, so that's probably just me, but church is still a very good place to meet women. There are many single women looking for a man, because that's what they've been told will make them happy. And maybe you can be that man. And maybe you can make her happy, although truth be told a man's about the last thing that'll make a woman happy. And we know it, too, but that doesn't stop us from trying, sometimes really hard, especially when they look at you with those hazel eyes and you realize that the purpose of a man is to love a woman.

Christian churches hate to see women remaining single, so once you establish yourself as an upstanding member, they'll practically throw women at you with numerous supervised social events that can springboard to unsupervised social events. Or else they'll lure you to an underground lair where they hook you to a milking machine. Depends on whether the church is in the Kansas or Missouri mode.

Advantages: Time: not only do you have the entire sermon to survey the crowd for prospects, but if you can't work up the nerve this week, there's always next week. Plus, it's easier to look the slightly bad boy in this crowd.
Disadvantages: If you're not the marrying type, this may not be the place for you . . . Also, make sure you're prepared to keep coming back for the rest of you life (not to mention afterlife).
Classic pick-up lines: I never cease to be amazed at the beauty of God's creation. Did you know that lustful souls go to the second circle of Hell? That's practically Limbo!

Uganda Seeks to Ban Mini-Skirts

Uganda is threatening to become the second African country to ban miniskirts--can the US be far behind?

Unlike Kenya, which not only banned miniskirts, but proclaimed a man showing anything between his knees and his waist was "naked,"the ban was not proposed for moral reasons. Instead, it is being proposed because women wearing them distract drivers and cause accidents.

We all know what happened with the O'Henry heiress, and this serves as a reminder: wait until you stop at the light to gawk.

Natalie Images for Nog, etc.

Just something I came across as an occupational hazard:

And a reminder why red carpet affairs might be fun:

Where to Meet Chicks 5

Conventions/Conferences

Conventions can be a great place to meet chicks--they're full of them, especially most academic conferences. And it's a great jumpstart. You're there. She's there. You're both away from the prying eyes of friends and family that are normally always looking over your shoulder and cramping your mojo (or at least that's a convenient excuse). There's a general party atmosphere without the same old routine to shackle you. And you know you've got something in common if you're hitting on a fellow conventioner, or if you're trying to make it with a local, you can always open by asking for directions.

If things go well, it can be a whirlwind affair with a definite endpoint. You can make her the focus of the next three days or whatever, and never make a commitment beyond that if you don't want to. And if things don't go so well . . . this was a business trip anyway, right? And there's porn on tap back at the hotel. Speaking of porn, though, apparently the Exxxotica trade show is not a good place to meet women.

Advantages: It's sometimes easier to put it on the line when you know you most likely won't have to see this woman again. And there's nobody to see you go down in flames.
Disadvantages: If you're unlucky, you might have to see this woman again and again at conventions, depenending on your profession. Wingman? Where's my wingman?
Classic pick-up lines: Honestly, I don't know . . .

Where to Meet Chicks 6

The Music Store

There are a lot of stores I considered for this list. I mentioned the grocery store--and stick by that--but there's also the book store, the hardware store (once recommended to Chip), the shoe store, the "paraphernalia" store, even the porn store. You can see a lot of hot chicks at any of them (Unless your porn store is Miracle Video, in which case you'll only see trash and utility truck drivers) but the music store is the only one that belongs on this list. Why? Because if you meet a woman over music, you're halfway to the sack. With all due deference to Steely Dan, the girls always care what's on, and the right music can be the difference between, "Gee, nice place you've got here," and "I wanna f--- you in that chair!" And it's not just for her, it's for you, too. You know what certain songs can do to your wood. And if your music tastes aren't compatible, it's never gonna work, anyway. You won't like everything she likes and vice versa, but if you can't learn to like, or at least tolerate, 40-60 % of her music, give it up now, because sooner or later the cumulative irritation at her tunes will eventually push you over the edge.

So what better place to check out her pedigree than at the music store. Here you get to see not just what she has now, but what she's considering, and you've always got an automatic place to start: you know the band, you don't know the band but you want to, you went to the concert, you missed the concert. And the conversation can just flow from one band to another, so there's not that "what do we talk about after the first topic dies?" moment.

Advantages: All the kids are at home downloading music. If nothing else, you can always buy an album.

Disadvantages: It's very easy to get distracted and just end up buying the album instead of talking to her.

Classic pick-up Lines: "Baby, let's put the x in sex." "Let's kick some bass behind closed doors." "Baby, I'm hot just like an oven, I need some lovin," "Would you be mine?" etc.

How Does an Article on the Exxxotica Trade Fair Show up on a Sedation Dentistry Newsfeed?

Read the article and use your imagination . . .http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2008/09/without_the_whips_exxxoctica_h.html

Where to Meet Chicks 7

The coffee shop

I can hear the outrage already. You rated the coffee shop over the bar? What's wrong with you? I can understand your disgust and am perfectly prepared to admit the bar might be a better place than the coffee shop to meet chicks, but here's my rationale:

Bars and coffee shops are essentially antithetical. One sells depressants, the other stimulants. One is frequented more at night, the other more during the morning. People go to one to act stupid & to the other to look smart. So it really depends on which you think is your better mode. My informal research indicates the two are about equal, but personally I think it's better to play the "smart" card.

While you may meet more chicks at the bar, you're more likely to hit on a longer-term relationship at a coffee shop. It's like telemarketing: if you're a great cold-caller it's better to have a long list of low-quality leads, but if you work the big sales you're unlikely to make headway with that kind of list.

Advantages: Bright light and stimulants make sure you know what you're getting yourself in for. Sunday morning girlfriends come here to commiserate about all the stupid, lame guys hitting on them at the bar last night--perfect opportunity! Chix in Spex. Chix with Bux.
Disadvantages: Nobody checking IDs, and with the current HS addiction to premium coffee, definite Jailbait Warning. She will be sharp, too, and can see through your ruses.
Classic Pickup Lines: I couldn't help but hear you order a . . .
I see you're reading Flaubert. I read Flaubert . . .

Where to Meet Chicks 8

The Bar

Bars get a bad rap as places to meet people and hook up, but the bad experiences come about because nowhere is a greater cross-section of society brought together in an atmosphere designed to reduce social distinctions, encourage people to have a good time, and engage in ill-advised (often sexual) behavior. Sure, there are biker bars and hippie bars, frat bars and yuppie bars, but as our good friend Nog has shown, a well-behaved individual can go to any bar and mingle freely with the population as long as he doesn't show contempt for the other patrons and respects the unwritten rules of the bar.

Despite the dismal experience of the Larryville Experiment, I still contend that if you talk to enough women (not just ogle them suggestively), you'll meet someone with whom you have some level of common interest and may also be available for a relationship. And in the meantime, you can have great fun talking to girls you have nothing in common with and have no hope of getting anywhere with, but who look great, smell nice, and either have something interesting to say or want you to take pictures of them simulating lesbian sex acts with with a friend.

Unfortunately, because of its reputation and because too many people are too eagerto "seal the deal," the bar atmosphere can be stressful for everyone. Relax, focus on getting to know her, and have one less shot of courage before starting the conversation, and your chances are much better.

Advantages: Alcohol increases sexual excitement and depresses her judgement. Someone is checking IDs at the door.
Disadvantages: Alcohol increases your sexual excitement and depresses your judgement. You could be being an ass and not knowing it. Once inebriated, it's hard to control your wandering eyes.
Classic Pick-Up lines: They've all been used. Hone your favorite at home to give it a personal touch and just the right edge. Then forget it.

Where to Meet Chicks 9

9: The Bus
You might think that the bus population is just old skeezy bag ladies, and you'd be mostly right, but there are still a lot of great prospects on the bus (especially if you like 'em a little rough around the edges). The same young, liberal women who are drawn to mixed commercial/residential developments are also likely to move into hip redevelopments of dilapidated urban areas along bus routes. Still, the pickings may be small (or they may be large), but it's a really low-pressure situation. If you can't work up the nerve to talk to her today, there's always tomorrow. And if your route is crowded, one of these days she's gonna sit next to you.

Strike up a conversation at the stop or on the bus. There's a lot of things to talk about ("What's that smell?" "When the fuck are we gonna get downtown?") and you can play exciting games like "Whore or Stripper," and "Fruit Racing" ("Go Banana!").

Advantages: It's cheap. You look (and smell) good in comparison to that guy passed out across the aisle. You can always just watch the "people" on the bus go up and down.
Disadvantates: Jailbait warning: You don't need a license to ride the bus. Find out if there's a high school on your route--"I thought she was 20" rarely works as an excuse. Also, find out if your route runs by a welfare office. Women who ride these routes once a month are a bad risk.
Pickup Lines: Where do you get off . . . ? My stop or yours? Is this seat taken?

Where to Meet Chicks

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