Movie Review: Vicki Christina Barcelona

Vicky Christina Barcelona is a movie that had a lot of pre-release buzz surrounding the lesbian make-out scene between Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz. Anybody who went to the see the movie hoping to see a passionate, sensual scene starring two of our most most beautiful celebrities (the same hope that brought many of us to the theater for the otherwise lackluster Black Dahlia) were probably disappointed. Johansson is a good actress, and she displays a lot of emotions really well, but I've never scene her convey passion well on-screen. She's great at love, longing, even lust, but when it comes to passion, it rarely surfaces (with the exception of the rain scene in Match Point). I don't think it makes her a bad casting choice here, for reasons that I'll revisit in a little while.

Vicky Christina Barcelona is a movie about threesomes, sort of. From the title on, the movie revolves around several proposed or realized threesomes, but this is no Wild Things. All the threesome activity unfortunately happens off-screen, despite the fact that they've got an ideal configuration for a visually appealing threesome. Curvaceous blonde with pale skin and a darker-skinned, more athletic brunette makes for a great-looking threesome. I understand the stars might not want to be involved, but I wouldn't complain about reasonable body doubles. But, whatever, I'm obviously not a well-respected director like Woody Allen, and I guess he knows what he's doing.

So, without the possibility of hot bedroom action, what're we left with? Quite a lot, actually, and this turns out to be a really good movie. First, it's a movie about love, attraction, and what draws us to and repels us from the people we care about. It's crucial to this theme that the characters in the movie be attractive enough to convince us that people love them despite their flaws. Thus, it's crucial that Christina (Johansson) have a charming smile and a rocking body that looks great in the casual American styles she wears as well as an honest and sincere persona that lets us excuse her fickle immaturity. Maria Elena (Cruz) needs to be even more appealing because of her violence, anger, and self-destructiveness. And Cruz pulls it off wonderfully. From her dishevelled hair to her smoky eyes that simultaneously show pain and spit fire to her sensual body to her beautifully inflected Spanish, we can't help but love her.

And let's not forget Juan Antonio (Javier Bardem), who has to be great from the very beginning when he walks up to our heroines Vicky & Christina and proposes that they fly with him to a tiny Spanish town for a threesome. He's wonderfully costumed in soft sensual fabrics and portrays his character with such casual charm that I would've considered hopping on that flight.

But Vicky Christina Barcelona is not just about threesomes. To some extent threesomes stand in for any life experience that is outside of the norm, and how different characters respond to threesomes stands in for the whole of how they approach new experiences. Christina, of course, is immediately engrossed in the idea of the novel experience, but eventually bores and must move on. Vicky, on the other hand, is initially repulsed. But later she grows curious and explores the option, only to learn that she is just not prepared for the scary danger of stepping outside her comfortable life.

This is a great movie. In my opinion, it's one of Allen's best. A joy to watch, with an impact that endures. Anybody who hasn't seen it should definitely do so.

Ever Despair about the Time between Posts on this Blog?

Now I know I have even fewer readers than my friend over at the Larryville Chronicles, but I do know that there are a couple of people out there who wish this blog were updated sooner. If you ever find yourself wishing I would post an entry, here's someplace you can go:

Raul Z. Duke's Style of Eye

There are two main things to recommend this blog: his entries are more insightful than mine, generally, and he collects a lot of images. Look, for example, at this great retrospective on Penthouse covers. Very nice work, full of nostalgia for those of us who grew up with access to only two adult magazines, Playboy and Penthouse. Penthouse, of course, was the really dirty one, the one that made you feel delightfully unclean after you finished. Duke reminds us that sleazy ain't always easy, and as clumsy as they may appear, there is still an artist behind all those cheap-looking images. I also love his appreciation for horror/exploitation posters. And his ability to appreciate truly good-looking men without tainting his heterosexuality.

The only disadvantage is that his blog updates even less than mine does.

More Pulp Pleasure

Ever wish there was some way to satisfy your titillating desire to see beautiful women attacked by cephalopods without going beyond the pale and getting caught in the world of tentacle porn?

Well, there is: an awesome collection of octopus magazine covers, most of them featuring bikini-clad buxom beauties in need of imminent rescue: Octopulps!

Some new, but most old, this is a great collection of covers. Few of them are really what might be called "art," but boy are they fun! With titles like "The Deadly Blonde Wench of Waikiki" how can you possibly go wrong? And don't forget to check out Iris Bristol, the Christopher Marlowe of smut.

Are These Erotic Paintings?

I have read descriptions of these paintings as being erotic, but for myself I'm not sure. They're in the category of 19th century paintings that received attention primarily because of their perceived eroticism, including a significant amount of scorn, parody, and being banned from public view. Similar paintings were reproduced in saloons all across the country for their perceived eroticism, and many paintings similar to the second one were even reproduced and displayed regularly in upper middle-class drawing rooms to show that the owners were cultured because they could tolerate an appropriate amount of "scandal."

These paintings are both by Gustave Courbet, who I learned about probably four times in four different art classes as one of the paragons of realism, but for some reason these works never came up.

I'll give the paintings first and then give my commentary. I guess some people might be offended by the graphic nature of the images, so if you're one of those people, take advantage of the white space below to avert your eyes.














This one is called L'Origine du Monde (Origin of the World). According to Wikipedia art criticism (surely the best in the world), "The framing of the nude body, with head, arms and lower legs outside of view, emphasizes the eroticism of the work." But I don't see it that way. This is such a powerful realist work that neither romanticizes nor embroiders its subject that it almost gives the illusion of making no commentary, of allowing the viewer to come to his or her own response, be it revulsion or arousal. Of course, that's not the truth. Like all realist works, merely showing the real is not the goal. The real is merely a path to understanding. What we're to understand is that this is where we all came from. That's why the image removes extraneous material to focus on the relevant material, and is composed in a way that encourages the eye to travel from the vagina to the one exposed breast, around which a milk-white garment is crumpled. The second image, Le Sommeil (Sleep), seems to me to really be an erotic piece, though, with arousal as one of the primary effects it seeks to achieve in its viewers. Concealment is one of the means it uses to achieve this. By not showing us what we want to see, it makes us want to see it more. This is also a surprisingly romanticized (in the vulgar sense) image for Courbet. Note the shiny bright skin on the women and the smooth, pale colors of the backdrop. Note also how the women's flesh doesn't press together the way it would with real sleepers. Especially telling, I think, is that the pale woman's head doesn't disturb the idealized shape of the darker woman's breast.

What do y'all think?

Finally, a 3-D Movie I'm Excited to See!

I haven't seen any of the recent batch of 3-D movies in 3-D, and I don't really feel like I've missed out on much. Finally, though, a 3-D movie is coming out that I'd love to see: Piranha 3-D. Oh, yeah, that movie that terrorized me (and probably some of you) so much as a kid is coming back. I didn't realize as a kid that the director of Piranha would go on to direct so many movies that would have such a big impact on me. Joe Dante went on from Piranha to direct Gremlins, of course, and its sequel, and another influential kids movie Explorers. He also directed Innerspace, a movie I have probably an inordinate fondness for, and Small Soldiers, ditto. His real classic, though, is of course, The Howling, the first and best real exploration of the sexual nature of werewolves. Without Joe Dante there would be no Harry Lupus, and, without Piranha there would be no Joe Dante as we know him. (And, in a minor note, Piranha 2: The Spawning helped launch James Cameron's career. (One of the best things about Piranha 2 is Milhouse's description of a scene that I can't even remember is or is not in the movie.))

But what makes Piranha 3-D potentially awesome is that it stars curvaceous Kelly Brook, in a bikini



(With what some claim is serious camel-toe, but may just be crinkly fabric.)
















fooling around with a porn star.

I dunno if current 3-D movies are as sleazy as those from the 70s, but if they are Kelly Brook can certainly add some dimension to a picture.

The Results Are In . . .

I opted not to jump on Maxim's top 10 sexiest women list when it appeared, but waited until the other major men's magazine, FHM, published its list for comparison's sake. Here are the lists:

Maxim's 10

10. Jennifer Love Hewitt
9. Jordana Brewster
8. Rihanna
7. Adriana Lima
6. Eliza Dushku
5. Mila Kunis
4. Malin Ackerman
3. Bar Rafaeli
2. Megan Fox
1. Olivia Wilde









FHM's 10

10. Katy Perry
9. Anne Hathaway
8. Heidi Montag
7. Elisha Cuthbert
6. Adriana Lima
5. Madeline Zima
4. Jessica Biel
3. Scarlett Johansson
2. Jessica Alba
1. Megan Fox

One of the first things to consider about these two lists is that one is a "Nebula" style list, selected by a small board of editors, while the other is a "Hugo" style list, generated by popular votes. So, of course, the popular vote list is going to include more familiar names.

Still, I don't think the editors at Maxim distinguished themselves at all here. I mean, Olivia Wilde is like a stick figure that sometimes gets boobs photoshopped onto her. Malin Ackerman, I've already said all I'm gonna say about her for now. JLH can be pretty hot, but not, I'd say, top 10 hot. FHM's list is, if not great, at least credible.

But I will say that Megan Fox has had so much media exposure she feels like sloppy seconds. It might be different if she were a better person, but every time she opens her mouth, something caustic, idiotic, or bitchy drips out. Perhaps I'm being a little mean, but her character just seems so nasty that I can't look at her without feeling slightly repulsed. Although I still have to admit that she does have nice eyes.

Bettie Page and the Brunette Revival

About 75% of the women I've known "worship" some icon of femininity. What exactly this means varies from case to case, but at a minimum it means putting up 1 or more images/posters of the icon in every personal space and professing an interest or admiration of the icon, often without any knowledge about her. Although there are exception, I'd say about 90% of these women worship 1 of 3 icons:

• Marilyn Monroe
• Audrey Hepburn
• Bettie Page

Women who believe they are or aspire to be attractive use Marilyn Monroe as an icon. Those who aspire to have "class" or "style" are adherents of Audrey Hepburn. Those who think they are intelligent, sexy, or free-spirited follow Bettie Page.

Although I've never really been a huge fan of Bettie Page (which I know is odd, given my pin-up enthusiasm), I have to say that the latter group of women have always been my favorites. I feel that through them, and through her general social contribution, contributed a great deal of happiness to my life. When she passed earlier this year, I felt a surprising pang of sadness.

Bettie Page's image became associated with the sexual revolution partly because of timing. She became the Dylan or Shakespeare of, well, smut, because she was in the right place at the right time. But, like Dylan and Shakespeare, she also became that icon because she had a rare talent. When you look at her images, there's a kind of power that she always reserves. She isn't there for us, isn't merely an object of our gaze. She's there for herself. Her smile (and the mock-terror she occasionally employs for the bondage images) has an impressive genuine quality. She portrays a kind of innocence that enhances the scandalous nature of some of the images, and then normalizes them. The net effect is a statement that a woman doesn't have to be a degenerate to enjoy her sexuality. She can be healthy, happy, and sexy all at the same time.

Because Page is a raven-haired beauty, brunettes profited more than other women from this change. Brunettes had always been a little naughty (I'll talk more about that below), but now, suddenly, that was a good thing. Brunettes were seen as smarter, tougher, and more independent, all qualities that have been increasingly valued in women both in society and in fiction.

It's not that there weren't big-box-office brunettes in golden-age Hollywood. But there weren't many. Ingrid Bergman, maybe. But there were two things going against brunettes, especially really dark brunettes, in early Hollywood. First, the simple schema established by filmmakers, with the good guys wearing white & the bad guys black meant that good women were blondes. Second, if I may cite The Little Sister again (and, heck, maybe I'll do it again in the future), dark-haired women had a taint of foreignness, especially Spanish blood. The blonde in Chandler's novel is sexy, almost desirable, but the brunette is over-sexed, dangerous, manipulative, and Spanish (?). This begins to dissipate in the 50s with Audrey Hepburn, Elizabeth Taylor, and Jane Russell, but it isn't until the exotic element of Latin blood is embraced through Raquel Welch and Sophia Loren that brunettes are free to really move to center stage. And, of course, these things ebb and flow. I believe that the current brunette revival would have been impossible without mainstream culture embracing Latinas and African-American women as it did during the 90s. But now the trend is definitely brunettes.