Saturday Night Creature Features

I've always been a fan of the Sam Cooke song "Another Saturday Night." I like most of the witty lyrics, including

Another fella told me
He had a sister who looked just fine
Instead of being my deliverance
She had a strange resemblance
To a cat named Frankenstein.

Whether he's referring to the doctor or The Monster, you've got to agree it's not exactly the quality a man wants in a date. But it did inspire me to try out Saturday Night Creature Features, which combine two of my interests--women and monsters--by focusing on female monsters.


Appropriately, let's start with The Bride of Frankenstein. It's interesting how attractive and relatively normal she is. A face uninterrupted by scars, petite but plump lips, and of course that crazy hairdo give her an exotic attractiveness. Where The Monster seems befuddled at the world and staggers through it clumsily, she has an intense stare that sees the world and she immediately knows what she does and does not want, choosing the doctor over her intended mate. Her gown gives her a columnar stature, and automatically makes her more like Frankenstein and less like The Monster in his rough-hewn clothes and huge clunky boots. She is, obviously, a better creation, a straight retelling of the feminist joke about man being God's rough draft and woman the final one. And tragically, inevitably, she rejects The Monster's advances, making this another retelling of The Monster Gaze.

Not Quite as Good as Shakespeare in the Nude

Remember when strip clubs got the brilliant idea to have their "actresses" perform Shakespeare? The idea was to avoid local ordinances against nudity b/c nudity was allowed in connection with legitimate theater. Well, this isn't quite as good, but entertaining for about 30 seconds.

Princess of Sluts(k)

I dunno how faithfully y'all have been keeping up with Harem Girl and Slave Girl, but did you see the selection from Anastasya Slutskaya? Princess of Slutsk sounds like a title you might find at Miracle Video, but apparently Slutsk is a city in Belarus and this is a historical epic about an eastern European Joan of Arc. The first couple minutes of this are worth watching. Amazing how clean-shaven those Russian girls were in the 16th century!

Christina Hendricks

A couple days after I posted my redheads entry, this spread on Christina Hendricks in Esquire magazine was released. She is a gorgeous, curvaceous gal--always a treat. If you haven't already, you should read the interview that accompanies them. Pure fluff, but it talks a lot about how she loves pork. (Don't we all?)


Upon seeing the pictures, some people cry "photoshop," but aside from evening out skin tone and the like that they always do, I'm not sure how much was done. Personally, I'd cry "shapewear." If you've got one or two assistants, a corset can do a lot for a woman, and that can do a lot for a man. Corsets will be the subject of a future blog.



Anyway, here are some miscellaneous pics (some of which I've posted before) by way of apology for my omission.














I'm not sure either red or green suits her that well. She does look great in black though. The close-up shows her looking tired, sad, and enticingly tragic.

Gisele Bundchen Offers More Tips for Modeling While Pregnant

Pick a strategic angle!

Bikini Fatigue?

Last issue Entertainment Weekly put celebrity bikini fatigue on their bull's eye. My initial response was: You've got to be joking. Then I looked at the pics and said, yeah, I'm tired of them. But still it isn't fair to discard the whole celebikini season on the basis of a couple of ladies that nobody really wanted to see that much anyway. They really need to be taken on a case-by-case basis.

So here's my guide to some of the celebrities hitting the beaches this year, a few representative swimsuits, and my personal fatigue level with each of them.

AnnaLynne McCord: Extreme Fatigue.

She's EW's poster girl for bikini fatigue and I've gotta agree. I think this is the first time I've seen her in a bikini, but I sure as hell don't care about her. And look at her chipmunk expression. Take her away!






Kim Kardashian: Heavy Fatigue.

Do I object to high heels and a bikini? No, sir, I do not!











Do I object to wearing makeup while playing on the beach? No, sir, I do not!













I love the eye-mystifying design on this swimsuit. I keep hoping it's like a magic eye and if I unfocus my eyes just right it'll disappear.










To this plastic photo shoot I do object. Take it away!













Gemma Atkinson: Heavy Fatigue.

If she looked like she did in the photo shoot for her calendar, I might not get tired of her, but she went pale blond and her skin seems so pale and a little less fit. She looks fatigued herself.

















Jennifer Connelly: No fatigue.

She's older than a lot of these other women, but she looks great. And she has personality and talent. I wouldn't mind seeing more of her, especially if she wears bikini bottoms that are a little less weird.








Katy Perry: Ambivalent.

Her music is really damn annoying, which is a good argument for why she should spend more time on the beach in a bikini. And she looks pretty nice, but would it kill her to smile once in a while?








Marisa Miller: Gimme More!

Honestly, how can you possibly get tired of Marisa Miller in a bikini? She is the perfect California Girl. Sun-freckled face that has character, sun-bleached hair, and a great bikini body. Idyllic cleavage, hourglass curves, and--wait for it--an awesome curvaceous ass.



































Bar Rafaeli: Gimme More (beach pics)!

Rafaeli is, I think, one of those women who gain/lose weight in their breasts first. Candids on the beach often show her with pretty big breasts, but when she is modeling they seem much smaller. And I know it's not just photoshopping (as if they'd shrink her breasts), because I've seen her in a couple interviews where she looks really small.



















Kelly Brook: Gimme More, Much More!

I dunno why I never get tired of this girl, but I don't. Soft, curvaceous, feminine, I just love her body. And these pics offer some pleasant surprises.


I would even say she looks pretty cute fully clothed!

London Fog's New Ad Campaign

Flashing: Not just for scabrous old pervs!
(Yes, that's Giselle Bundchen. I think they rejected the slogan "Trenchcoats: Something you can still model while pregnant.")