Commentary on a Bettie Page Video

I saw this Bettie Page video on Harem Girl and thought it was very interesting:



The video is divided into two very distinct sections, one a longer-shot that gives an entire sense of the set and the situation, with a second section of close-ups and slightly pulled-back video focused on Bettie's face. The transition between the two sections is just an abrupt cut, disappointing, no doubt, for modern viewers, but important to the way the video works. This is a striptease video, with much more tease than strip.

In the first section of the video, Bettie and her co-stars move with exaggerated gestures, like silent movie stars, which makes sense because this is, essentially, a silent movie. At first, I thought Bettie was dancing, and I thought, she's a terrible dancer, but then I realized her movements aren't dancing at all, but coordinated pageantry that approaches but never really wants to be dancing. Instead, it is a ritualistic performance designed to display and promote certain fetishistically important features, especially her legs. She most reminds me of a Barker's Beauty, only the prize on display is herself. It would be easy, I imagine, to let the gestures become mechanical and tired, but she keeps them fresh and playful. Even in these distant shots we see a little of the personality that will be the main feature of the video's second section.

The far shots are okay, but what really makes this video is the close-up section. Of course, she's beautiful, with her wide, white smile, her bright red lips, her black hair framing smooth white skin, and her eyebrows that are pronounced enough to be almost masculine, but hover instead at the line suggesting enhanced sexuality. Her face is strong, but all that power is in abeyance here, as she engages in play. And when she looks at the camera, her eyes look through it at me, and I feel that special sense of "golly-gee"ness that makes men blush when a beautiful woman singles them out for attention. But instead of pushing that line, she pulls back. There is no stress here. This is play, this is fun. And then she winks at me. Wow. Just wow. Now I've got a smile to last all day. Really nice.

Dr. C's Science Corner, Plus a Correction

Some months ago, you may remember a post on our friend's blog that included an allusion to Willem Defoe's stage show that included leading an anthropomorphic duck around by its genitals . . .

No? Well, here it is: Larryville Chronicles

In response, I made a comment about ducks having no penis at all, which, as it turns out, is incorrect. Although about 97% of all bird species have no penis (or phallus as biologists prefer to refer to them, since they're not actual penises), ducks are different. In fact, some ducks have ridiculously long phalluses, sometimes as long as the rest of the duck's body. In addition, the duck can shoot its phallus out in an attempt to aggressively deliver its sperm during forced copulation. If you dare, see the slow-motion video here:

Duck Phallus Eversion (WARNING: It's pretty gross.)

Of course, no duckess is going to just take this kind of behavior, so female ducks have evolved an oviduct (analogous to the vagina) with all kinds of counterscrews and dead-end pockets. The female ducks can relax or contract the structures in the oviducts to either allow or deny intromission.

If you want to read a longer summary of the research, look here: Kinky Science

For the original research in all its scientific glory, see here:

Coevolution of Male and Female Genitalia Morphology in Waterfowl

PLOSone is a favorite journal of mine. You may also remember it as the source of the first documented non-human fellatio. Missed that one? Here's the link to that exciting story:

Bat Fellatio

A Cat and Venus (An Aesop's Fable)

A young Fellow that was passionately in Love with a Cat, made it his humble Suit to Venus to turn Puss into a Woman. The Transformation was wrought in the twinkling of an Eye, and out she comes, a very bucksome Lass. The doating Sot took her home to his Bed; and bad fair for a Litter of Kittens by her that Night: But as the loving Couple lay snuggling together, a Toy took Venus in the Head, to try if the Cat had changed her Manners with her Shape; and so for Experiment, turn'd a Mouse loose into the Chamber. The Cat, upon this Temptation started out of the Bed, and without any regard to the Marriage-Joys, made a Leap at the Mouse, which Venus took for so high an Affront, that she turn'd the Madam into a Puss again.

MORAL: The extravagant Transports of Love, and the wonderful Force of Nature, are unaccountable; the one carries us out of ourselves, and the other brings us back again.

Another Saturday Night Creature Feature

Another woman/monster that springs to mind is this creature from the classic Star Trek episode "The Man Trap." No, she's not the star of Cougar Town, she's a salt vampire. Although she looks hideous in her native state, she has innate cosmetic powers that transform her into a seductive creature (yes, I know what this sounds like, but I assure you, she's not the star of Cougar Town), able to be the woman that you most desire. She uses this power to lure men into private places for her own purposes. What she craves is hot, white salt, and once she's sucked you dry, she discards your husk.

An Exercise Video for Your Enjoyment

Now, I know most of you out there may not find Kelly Brook as attractive as I do. Still and all, I think this curvaceous gal is, well, very bone-able, and I think this exercise video is a great example of why.

What she has going for her:

• Delicious curves
• Cute face
• Great smile
• Accent
• Beautiful hair

And in the video, you get to see:

• A trainer almost as sexy as Kelly
• Foxy boxing
• Mamboing
• "Bum busting"
• Hula hooping!!!

Seriously, that hula hooping almost pushed me over the edge. That motion with her curves, and her smile--it's just too much. But enough from me. Enjoy.

Where to Meet Chicks Supplement

Recently, a couple of lists of the best places to meet chicks came to my attention. One was in Men's Health July/August issue. It lists the 13 best places to meet chicks based on 3 "scientific" rules.

Rule 1: Build your romantic network. Principle being if you become friends with a lot of women, one of them is going to set you up with her friend. Places to become friends with women (and men):

Dallas Sport and Social Club, where it recommends coed kickball, which, fortunately, you can do virtually anywhere these days

ImprovBoston theater performance classes--"Women like a man who can make 'em laugh." (Okay, they didn't say this, but I think the Genie did in Aladdin.

Durham Bulls Athletic Park--buy a bunch of tickets and have friends invite friends. Then root for your team, building up your testosterone. This is guaranteed to get you laid (unless you paint your face or your belly).

Volunteer groups--"Selflessness is sexy."

Rule 2: Let chaos be your wingman. Go places. You might run into women.

Santa Monica Farmers' Market--"tap into a spirit of sociability, exploration, and inquisitiveness." They do note that you can find a closer market by gong to localharvest.org

Yelp.com--this can lead you to places "where all the cool people go," which is fine if a) you believe this, and b) you're one of the cool people, in which case you're probably not having too much trouble meeting people, b/c you already know where you go.

Waterloo Records (Austin, Texas)--People are more attracted to someone who shares their musical taste, apparently. But you can only meet people at independent record stores.

Ikea--that's right, Scandinavian furniture will set you free. Or the Apple store. Or, if you're the more active type, go to L.L. Bean or REI. Go to a store and talk to women.

Rule 3: Use spare time as show time. Did we mention you need to get out of the house to meet women? And show off. Women like that.

First Fridays at the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County. According to a U of Iowa study, women are more concerned with a man's intelligence and education than good looks and financial prospects. Which is why every PhD I know has to fend 'em off with a stick.

Movies in the Parks (Chicago)--People are apparently really social at these things.

Mile High Music Festival--Did we mention that people like people wth a similar taste in music? Oh, we did? Well, how's about this--go to a music festival because it attracts a more diverse crowd and you can meet people with different tastes in music. Maybe you'll hit it off with them.

Philadelphia Punk Rock Flea Market--Meet strange people here.

Bank of America Chicago Marathon--Apparently the real goodie here is training for the marathon with someone. You can look forward to it together. And if you survive, maybe you can call her and find out all you really had in common was the marathon. This might be great if you're a runner looking to meet other runners, but if you are, you've probably met 'em.

And that was their list.

I also ran into a featurette on thefrisky.com, generally a terrible website, but in this case it was interesting. It was basically a bunch of women sharing anecdotes about where they met their guys. Turns out a surprising amount of them met him in line somewhere. The grocery store, the bank, buying tickets for a game or movie, or buying food at the game or movie.

This makes perfect sense to me. You're there. She's there. You're both waiting. Strike up a conversation. It happens every day. There's no pressure. If she's married or a bitch or thinks you're an idiot, you can just part company after you check out, but if not . . . well maybe you don't have any place to be, and she doesn't have any place to be, and the rest of the story just writes itself.

Saturday Night Creature Features

I've always been a fan of the Sam Cooke song "Another Saturday Night." I like most of the witty lyrics, including

Another fella told me
He had a sister who looked just fine
Instead of being my deliverance
She had a strange resemblance
To a cat named Frankenstein.

Whether he's referring to the doctor or The Monster, you've got to agree it's not exactly the quality a man wants in a date. But it did inspire me to try out Saturday Night Creature Features, which combine two of my interests--women and monsters--by focusing on female monsters.


Appropriately, let's start with The Bride of Frankenstein. It's interesting how attractive and relatively normal she is. A face uninterrupted by scars, petite but plump lips, and of course that crazy hairdo give her an exotic attractiveness. Where The Monster seems befuddled at the world and staggers through it clumsily, she has an intense stare that sees the world and she immediately knows what she does and does not want, choosing the doctor over her intended mate. Her gown gives her a columnar stature, and automatically makes her more like Frankenstein and less like The Monster in his rough-hewn clothes and huge clunky boots. She is, obviously, a better creation, a straight retelling of the feminist joke about man being God's rough draft and woman the final one. And tragically, inevitably, she rejects The Monster's advances, making this another retelling of The Monster Gaze.