Lesley Gore
Her top hit has that quality you already know I like in women: strong but vulnerable. "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to." Sure, if you need a shoulder to cry on (and maybe a sympathy screw), I'm here. But I've never been too big a fan of that song. It's "Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows," which always made me think she was hot. I mean, no girl can be that good, right? Anything that sweet and innocent sounding must be a Blow Pop. Sweet candy outside, bubblegum inside, and so incredibly dirty. And the proof is "You Don't Own Me:"
You don't own me
I'm not just one of your many toys
You don't own me
So don't say I can't go with other boys.
What? What kind of relationship is this? And where do I get in?
Oh, and she also looks great as a (sex) kitten. And she's supposedly a lesbian. What's not to love?
Vitamin C
Oh, I'm sure you've heard of her, though you may not know her. I know she's poppy and dumb, but any chick who'll write a song based on Fear of Flying can't be too dumb. She samples the Digital Underground on her song "Do What You Want to Do," so she clearly knows what she's doing. It's all just good postmodern fun. The brain may be the biggest erogenous zone, but sometimes thinking just gets in the way of getting laid.
Tracey Thorn
So, she's a dog . . . and she really is, too. Some pictures they try to conceal it, but she really is pretty hideous, so I'm not going to include a pic here. But I can't help it, I love her singing. The main singer of Everything but the Girl is so heartfelt, she just lays everything out there, and you know she really loves you, and she's there, ready to stand next to you until everything falls apart (as it inevitably does, under the silvery moon which explodes for no good reason). She's definitely more on the vulnerable side, and it seems like she's lost many men to cheating (unlike Lopez, who seems to take them), and can express the feelings of betrayal and desolation like nobody else.
Stevie Nicks
Now I know there are some people who are against hippie witch-babes, but I'm not. In fact, I'm always looking for one who can cast a convincing hex, because it makes a great excuse. "I'm
sorry, honey, but she hexed me: I was powerless to resist!" Unfortunately, I haven't found one yet. They're all into Wicca and white magic and none of them seem to know how to unhinge a man from his willpower. This may have something to do with hairy armpits. But Stevie, the original hippie-witch-bitch (it must be admitted) knew how to do it. If I ever met her, and if she would deign to look at me, she could have me. And part of the hex is that as long as I was under her power she would always look her best.Sade
Now, there are people who are not interested in Sade, but I enjoy her music because it's all obviously about sex:
"Jezebel": Sugar daddy sex
"Never as Good as the First Time": Virgin sex
"No Ordinary Love": Great sex
"Smooth Operator": Well-lubricated sex
"The Sweetest Taboo": Anal sex
You don't see that? Well, maybe it's just me.
And now it's time for our plus one, the honorary member of the list, even though I don't find her sexy at all:
Tori Amos
Now, I love a lot of her music, but I just can't get excited about her. Why is she on this list, then? Because so many guys I know just fall completely under her power. Of all the songstresses of recent years, none of them that I know overwhelm some men so utterly as Tori Amos. Why? I just can't figure it out. Maybe it's because muddy feet turn me off, or maybe I just like to have the gun in the relationship.
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