I wasn't at my job very long when an account manager came up to me and said, "I need a page, blog, and article on cosmetic nipple surgery, as soon as possible," or words to that effect. A page is easy, you just talk about the procedures. The blog is also easy, you just talk about the page. The article's a little harder. It's longer and you can't just focus on the procedures, so I decided I would write about what makes for an attractive nipple. I quickly found there wasn't much good information out there in terms of detailed considerations of nipple aesthetics, so I happily found myself with the freedom of uncharted territory. I made something up that drew from erotic sources but abstracted them sufficiently that it had an authoritative ring. That article is out there somewhere, possibly under my name, most likely not.
But my post today was inspired by the Marisa Miller topless pics I saw a while back:
(The source of this image is a blog called
Dirty Rotten Whore. Beware, it's considerably more off-color than my blog, but it does have a whole photo series, including a sequence where she's sort of playing basketball topless. Those of you who think making women's basketball topless will generate more interest should take note: shooting a basketball does freaky things to a woman's body.)
I immediately thought, "wow, her nipples look great!" A really visceral reaction that stuck with me for several days. We'd talked about Marisa Miller
as part of our conversation on a poll about the best celebrity breasts, when people complained of not being able to judge breasts unless they're freed. Well, judge away.
To my mind, they have several good points: nice color (aided by the tan line, which adds contrast), good size (not all gross and distended like a
Penthouse model), good shape (nipples erect, even though the areola is not contracted), and nice, perky placement.
Now that I've said that, though, I want to say that there are a lot of ways for nipples to look good. All colors are nice, from pink to dark brown, and for extra color fun there are nipple rouges. Henna apparently also gives some great color and is sometimes mixed with essential oils for fragrance. My only real sticking point is if the nipples are stretched out they do look kinda gross. Often this is a product of breast implants that are too large and stretch the skin all out of shape, and I imagine a lot of the
Penthouse Pets that grossed me out in the 80s probably had implants that were poorly done.
Nipples also look great poking their way through clothes. Like, say, Kelly Brook frolicking in the cold surf:
Yeah, that's nice. In these cases, imagining the nipples is half the fun.
Of course, women know we do this, and use things like those fake nipples to jerk us around. Not that I mind. Not at all.
Some of you out there may have been inspired by that last post to remember the popular medical book Why Do Men Have Nippples? One answer, of course, is that male and female anatomy is pretty darn similar. The next question out of your mouth might very well be: just how similar are the penis and the clitoris?
