Ten Sexy Singers (Plus One)

Mariah Carey

I'm going to get on to more sophisticated stuff later on, but you're going to have to permit me a little horndoggin up front. She has the kind of body that I would just love to do things to. Many things, over and over again in many different ways. And the kind of persona that makes me think she'd let me do all of it, plus a couple more things I couldn't've come up with on my own.

Anyway, I know I'm going to have to defend this, my inaugural choice of my Ten Sexy Singers series, but as with everything on this blog, I'm just going to tell it the way I see it.

I was never interested in Mariah Carey, felt nothing but contempt for everything I knew of her work. Then one day I'm flipping past VH1 & notice, hey, there's that guy, where do I know him from & what's he doing in a Mariah Carey video? The guy was Jerry O'Connell of course and the video was for "Heartbreaker." I figured out I knew the guy from Sliders, so I was about to change the channel when I saw Carey's outfit. Tight jeans, ok, pretty hot, but it was her top, of course, that really caught my attention.

Loose knit, like it'd been crocheted with a hook two inches around, the neck plunged real deep, showing her decollette to great effect. Set a little too far apart for some purists of breast aesthetics, from my standpoint they're real nice. And then she started moving, and they started moving, and, well, I was entranced, hypnotized. Then it got better with the hot cat fight, and then it got even better with the cute little cartoon in the middle, so, needless to say, as soon as it was over, I had to see it again.

After seeing the video a few times, I began to notice that, overall, she's pretty darn cute overall. Her fun, flirty face changes easily into a charming coy expression of mock anguish. Her lips are not only full and pouty (blowjob lips, I learned from a man on the bus one day, essential tools for giving good head), but expressive. She sings every syllable with emotion, a deep trembling conviction. And, yes, I even began to like the song.

A couple years later I bought the album Rainbow when I found it in a bargain bin for a dollar. My wife finds the cover inherently offensive and wants to get rid of the album--she mentions it whenever we talk about freeing up space on the CD rack, but I don't want to. Not only do I like the come-hitherness of the cover, but I kinda like a lot of the songs. She may not be a great artist, but she sings with sincerity and conviction, and constructs a persona of a soft and vulnerable woman, emotionally yielding but not spineless, a good combination of feminity and strength, like women in hats.

And she's got great breasts.