Where NOT to Meet Chicks

Okay, so I know you are all eager to learn the number one place to meet chicks, and I know it's been a really long time coming (sorry, I got sick & I got tired from framing, then unframing, then reframing in the basement.) But first I want to share some of the ideas I rejected in coming up with my list. It's not that these places are bad. I'd've never considered them if I hadn't noticed many possibly eligible women around to think about them. It's just that they're not good enough.

The Movie Theater When I was a teenager and we'd go out to the cheap flix theater out at Bear Valley, I often thought of trying to pick up girls there. There were a lot of them around--all dressed up a little skanky, to be sure--and they were hanging around and I was hanging around. But, here you are, with your friends, and so you've got some obligation to hang with them. And then if you go up and talk to a girl before the movie, well, chances are she's going to a different movie. And then, after the movie, you're all tired and wired from the movie you saw, which, again, is likely not the one she saw.

The Zoo Yeah, I know, you think of moms pushing prams or escorting dirty, loud kids around the zoo. And, although many of these women are not unattractive, most of them are married. But I noticed that most of the people working in the cages feeding the animals and cleaning up after them were young women, and fairly attractive despite the zoo uniforms. It occurred to me that working at the zoo would probably be a good entre into meeting a lot of available women. But then I reasoned that they were probably high-school aged girls working off community service hours or some other reason for doing volunteer work, so probably not a good bet.

The Park There are a lot of attractive women at the park. Jogging or hanging out to read or whatever. But the running ones are hard to talk to unless you run up alongside them, and then they look at you weird (plus you've gotta be in really good shape to hold a conversation while jogging). And the ones at the benches with the books are trying to read and look at you weird. The truth is that it's hard to approach women at the park because men in the park are automatically suspected of being a) rapists b) flashers c) pedophiles or d) perverts of miscellaneous unsundry types. If you're gonna have any chance here, you need to have a dog, which at least gives you a healthy reason to be at the park.

Where you are now I actually considered this for #1 for a while, because I've always liked the "love the one you're with" motif for meeting girls. Wherever you go, there are pretty much always women there, and if you just talk to them, you might meet someone who turns out to be a good match. But then I realized that most people would be reading this column at home, and if you've already got a woman there, why are you reading this series?

So, anyway, there's where not to meet chicks. I'll post the #1 place to meet chicks later this week . . .